The Startup Dictionary of Received Ideas

A type of beer.

Main cause of suicide among software engineers.

An industry for people who can't code or design.

Actually pretty good.

A signal to update your LinkedIn profile. Often found at the end of runways.

Interns, late-hires and people left over when the runway runs out. See runway.

Where your customers' dreams go to die.

Rental car agency.

Owns the voodoo doll of the CEO. Each board member gets one pin.

Mexican standoff with AC and lower blood alcohol levels.

Cool word for personal debt funding.

Spending your own money on domains and frontend templates without ever bothering a customer.

The “E” is “existential”, the type of fear this role experiences whenever not asleep.

The “F” is for “fictional”, the data this role has to work with.

The “OO” is an onomatopoeia. It mimics the “uh oh…” sound this person makes after having witnessed the actual operations.

The “T” is for “terrified”.

Describes the smell of the office kitchen. Also great for yoghurt and sourdough.

A random process to determine if you can be friends with the people you work with.

The “X” stands for “exit”. Role reserved for the founder that is slowly being sidelined by all other C-levels.

The process of making decisions based on the data that supports your opinion.

VC money where the VC is a "bank" that actually expects to be paid back.

The imaginary land where the product is perfect and the users are happy.

A type of water based paint. Dilutes very well.

Models reality and the universe. Also used for budgeting.

Term normally used to before the money is actually real money. See money for more details.

A place where PMs and C-level passively aggressively fight over the color of a button. Designers are not allowed in.

Making things get bigger. Hopefully profits, but often just the number of people in the office.

Bypassing laws, regulations and common sense to make things get bigger.

A 24-hour event where people try to solve problems that don’t exist.

Famous for the "inverse nerd snipe" effect. The more a nerd snipes your post, the richer you will be.

We are all family. Except for the sales department.

The internet of things. You can check your email on your fridge. You can also check your fridge on your email.

The internet is a series of tubes. It is also a place where people go to argue about things they don’t understand.

Australian for “throw another ticket on the barbie”.

A way to lose money with "friends".

Often used to justify your existence.

The only person that can make a VC cry. Also never ran a startup or VC.

Used to describe a method executing of business practices. Mostly applicable to the level of knowledge about the business practices.

Consists of a lot of ramen and a little bits of hope. Could involve couch surfing or homelessness.

A sophisticated ballet where all the best parts of assumption, unpreparedness and indecision combine in a glorious clash of egos.

Mostly fictional, but the term is rarely ever used anymore. See budget, resources, capital.

Minimum Viable Product. The least amount of work you can do to loose the most amount of money.

Inventor of the internet. Founded Google, Facebook and Twitter. Often seen on shrines in South East Asia.

People that are actually happy. And content.

Describes a person that is not a "player" character. Mostly used by people that are not players.

Short for "OK, right?".

A long, dark night of the soul.

Getting to know the people you will soon hate.

Used to be “human resources”, but the “human” bit felt out of place given the life forms in the sales department. Still a bit generous.

Although still theoretical, predicted by scientist to exist. Rumours are CERN will publish experimental proof soon.

Kafkaesque transformation when an IOT startup starts selling kitty litter.

Man or woman ritually sacrificed by being ripped apart by engineering, business and design. The entrails divine the product roadmap.

Regularly scheduled, but somehow always a surprise.

A time to drink.

People or computers that are used to get things done. Computers are often more reliable.

A term used by people who are not rock stars.

Ends in a smelly, deep ditch full of bodies. Expect many “all hands” before actually slipping into said ditch.

A way to pay for software that is not yours.

TV comedy show which was later turned into a live action theme park in southern San Francisco Bay Area.

Contrary to popular belief, not a productivity tool.

Forces everyone to eat vegan because of that Debby in accounting.

Term to describe a happy looking, multi-ethnic group of people pointing at a laptop. Fictional.

Mostly an accounting trick.

Requires actual users. Often confused with “design”.

Amount of years where $0 value stock options turn into an occasion to buy them for $0.

Senders of money. Not actually their money, but they are the ones that send it. So there's that.

Exists next to reality. Often confused with reality.

A great way to lose money and invite fraud and hackers into your life.

Always just out of reach.

Formerly Twitter. Main outlet for VC hot takes and founder rants. Mainly drowned out by the sound of the world burning.

The orange accelerator. Bets on six of the same horses every six months.

Often used as a coaster.

Filters, backgrounds and the occasional meeting. Always avoidable due to “technical difficulties”.